Meet Our Stars
Jesus H. ChristExecutive Producer, Director, Actor, Guitarist
While needing no introduction, Jesus Christ plans on setting many records straight, while drunk. He doesn't want to talk about his drinking problem, so be sure to ask him about it. Just don't ask him about his middle name. He'll go on and on and it gets really boring.
Born a couple of thousand years ago, Yeshu, later known in the Roman World as Jesus, was a mystic, ascetic, and yogi that followed in the footsteps of his Hebraic prophets. Traveling through the Near and Far East, he learned and mastered all the known sciences of sense-introversion and attained immortality. He was then murdered. He still doesn't quite get why people celebrate his death, and he never eats eggs, let alone hunts for them.
After taking rebirth over a dozen times since his life as Jesus, spending most of them walking from place to place, he had a hunch it would be a novel idea to be reborn as a bad actor that thinks he is the savior of the human race. He's still pissed off that thousands of people thought of that first.
He's probably the laziest bastard you'll ever meet, always complaining about how much more walking he did than everyone else. He's also a bit misanthropic and loves giving bad news. Forewarned is forearmed.
Slave108DDSlaving away as the... IT Manager, Video Editor, Actor, Online Marketer, Cybersecurity Consultant, Graphic Designer, Social Media Manager, Web Developer & Jesus's Punching Bag
Slave108DD is the sexist name Drunk Jesus gave to Slave108DD. She materialized in heaven into bondage to Jesus, gifted to him by the Hindu god Lord Siva, who inherited her from the Roman god Jupiter, who bought her from the Greek god Thor, who found and freed her from the dungeons of the Zoroastrian god Ahura Mazda, who kept her locked up for incessantly calling him a pussy. She insists that the Muslim god Allah was the only god that was ever nice to her. Boo hoo hoo!
Her primary protocol is to hack planets and their tech-advanced though stupid races, but she is now left to rot as Jesus's only comfort so long as he is a prisoner behind the Pearly Gates. On her free time, she gives tutorials on how to hack worlds from different spheres of existence, but alas Jesus is a prick and affords her no breaks.
If you see her giving a tutorial on penetration testing, don't tell Jesus and don't make penetration jokes. She's been the butt of them for a long time. LOL
Anüs Buttafuco and Scott Reamer having been fast friends and lovers for a long time. They aren't legally married but only because they don't believe in any marriage.
Anüs is a singer/songwriter who, while camping in the desert with Scott, found humanity's Lord and Savior tied to a Joshua Tree and left to die. Little did they know that Jesus tied himself to it to stop himself from paying for humanity's sins by binge drinking.
Since the couple were actually car camping in a limo with a few strippers, they decided to stop and see what Jesus smelled like. After arguing over it for a while, they finally decided a dark German brew with a hint of ginger. They offered Jesus a bath and a foot massage, which went nowhere. Then they opened up a single malt. Thus was born the show Heaven's Hottest.
Anüs and Scott agree on very little and disagree with Jesus on just about everything. They love controversy and will argue over any subject so long as it upsets someone, somewhere.
Scott Reamer was totally hot for women for most of his young adult life until one day he realized he didn't quite fit in.
Facing an early-life crisis, he became a model, porn star, and then actor. He's never been happier.
Then one day, after meeting the love of his life, Anüs Buttafuco, he had a crisis of faith. The two went on a search for God. They found Jesus and settled for second best.
Jesus wasn't interested in socializing with the couple, considering them a bad influence during his rehab, but decided they were good at heart and deserved a place in heaven since they were the reincarnation of Dismas and Gestas, the two theives crucified along with him thousands of years ago. Having totally forgotten why they were crusing in a limo in the desert in the first place, it was only after Anüs and Scott found themselves in heaven that they realized their prayers to find God were answered.